12 October 1994
12:30am
Dear
E. (Sort of)
Not
fair of me to even try this. Just back
from third night of Grateful Dead shows at the Capital Center and am flying. The sounds!
I
like the art of music because it attacks.
What? What to write? All is fine at the current time. Been places, seen things, heard even
more. Girl dancing in between the drums
and little cymbals on her fingers and the blonde girl in the sweater and green
stretch pants who danced with me about the circle of the drums and then left
and came back and never a word was spoken between us and yet....
E-1.wp5
is the name of this if you can believe that and maybe some guitar would help.
(Edit...and insert Mad Scientist song of Ron's making....sorry, reread and
stopped her for some guitar...)
A
guy I know says he spends hours on America on-line in the chat rooms. Lets see, I saw it tonight on a t-shirt, it
was :-) which took me a while but is a computer-chatter smile on its side but
you know that.
So
what don't you know being a librarian and all? But then again, what is there to know?
"But
then again...".....sounds like a line from a DEAD song.
You
didn't respond to any of my last writings.
That bad? You said I was a poor
writer and you sure are right but I can't keep from trying.
Heart
pounding and it should not be. Excited
I guess.
It
is 12:45 am and I should go to bed but can't yet. The DEAD encore was the Beatles song, Lucy in the Sky with
Diamonds (LSD).
Heat
pipes making noises coming on here. I
guess your heat is on?
Tree leaves
in the process of going but most not yet fallen.
Postcards
from the Edge....wasn't that a book by Carrie Fisher? Ever read any of her stuff? I like what I have heard on tape.
I
am going to send you another tape of the DEAD.
Murray gave me one Monday and after a listen, I have already made 5
copies and sent them out the door for others.
You are next, so watch out.
Sometimes
it is overwhelming isn't it ?
Over
Overwhelming. Overwhelming. Over-Whelm-ing.
Overwhelming. Overwhelming. Over
Sat
on a bar stool one night and envisioned writing this network packet piece which
could be broadcast throughout the network and I could see all these heads as
nodes on the network and each sending and receiving packets of info and asking
for network service. (I prefer the
collision detection and retransmission mode over the token passing
architecture. Oh sure, everyone gets a
turn with passing the token but........the DEAD have a song which goes
"Wake up to find you are the Eyes of the World".)
And
I wondered if I could get Uncle Dean in the same net as you E., Elaine, and you
in the same net as Uncle Dean and my straight brother Tim and Chuck and Murray
and Zooie and Candy and Marina and Bill the gambler who bet it all on one hand
in Vegas and my rolodex of names and heads and thoughts and stories to tell.
And
what story would you tell E or Uncle Dean or Marina or Tony? I don't seem to have a story. As I watched and listened to the drummers in
the parking lot tonight/yesterday before the show, I tried to remember it all
and see it all so I could write it down someday, to pass it on. The incredible life that was in that circle
of drummers and the comings and goings of drummers and rhododendrons morphing
from jungle beat to jungle beat and maybe 10, 12 drums of all shapes and sizes
and colors and drummers to go along.
Men, boys, girls, black, Asian, drumming and the crowd on the outside of
the ring/circle, swaying with the beat and hearing it change and they changing
with it. Just a bunch of people and a
pickup game of drummers on a sunny afternoon and a black man on the edge in a
trance, remembering something very old and hollow logs and messages sent and
received.
No
story to tell. I continue to survive
and even thrive. I am disappointed in
myself some now and them. I miss all
sorts of opportunities with the kids and am not what I could be with them or
Priscilla for that matter. Oh, I try
hard sometimes but like the DEAD say "Can't you try just a little bit
harder. Can't you try just a little bit
more"
I
wonder about you and Uncle Dean and Chuck who just moved into his Mom's old
house 75 miles from the city and wants to live them and work here and if any
one can do it, it is Chuck.
Wondering
about you Marina there in Georgetown and your new son-in-law and probably new
work and back recently to the area of Federal Computer Week and wondering. Have not seen a copy of WEEK in several
years now. Wonderings... See Dali exhibit ?
Wondering
about Uncle Dean. Always a smile and
interest in you and it is authentic.
Wish you could meet Uncle Dean, M.
And wish Uncle Dean could me you M. and E. and Chuck and Zooie and
Murray and the whole network light up like the night sky with stars and I feel
that way sometimes, like a star shooting off matter and energy into space. An eruption into the void and instead send
it down the network and hope the breakers don't trip and knowing they won't and
like I told Zooie, people make a big mistake underestimating what they can
really do and so all suffer for it. But
you know that Uncle Dean.
Not
a true interactive network is it.
Traffic pig on the circuit, the wire, and the network inside my head and
only one quarter of an inch think? All
jumbled up in there, all those nodes and connections and for what? Some master planetoidplan?
Network. Networking.
Bring the network up. When you
connect a bunch of computers together in a network, you have to "bring the
network up" Bring the network up.
And
on the bar stool, it all seemed so easy!
More
guitar I am afraid is called for and I know you can't hear it which is too
bad. Some word processing, I think,
allow the inclusion of sound now and this would be a good place for it.
Was
up to the 10th annual Harvest Moon camping trip at Gore, Virginia, back in the
mountains, by a lake, in a clearing in the woods, on the porch of an old log
cabin and there I played music with other folks for hours and smiled and the
dogs came and lay beside me and Mama's fed their little ones and I am sorry, I
like it even though I was one of the least human type peoples there.
Beginning
to calm myself now. Network
Control......yeah that would be a good job description for me. Network control! "Who is kidding who here", the network message
comes? "You don't control
nothing."
Illusions. Think after 25 years of marriage I have
finally gotten Priscilla to understand, I THINK, that it is an illusion to
think we have control of anything. And
on this point, I agree with the eastern religions but as for pulling yourself
away from desire and expectations because you will suffer the pangs of
disappointment, well shit, guess I gets disappointed and what does Chuck have
to say? Could he speak?
All
is masturbation. Talking is
masturbation. Amoebas, we all, seeking
the light and warmth and pleasure and little more. One acid trip, I was a bug
on the walls of eternity and I skittered down the walls, farting and no more or
less that I am now and it really did not matter. Does it?
Grand
are we as a species? Mankind?
Zooie
has so many existentialist professors and I wonder why?
I
am so dumb. Only years and years after
hearing something or trying to learn something will I finally understand
it. Network connections and I wonder
what the blonde in the green stretch pants really had to tell me. Sometimes real "stuff" is in the
strangest of places or faces, if you look at it\them right.
Talking
to a country music AM, as in amplitude modulated, station DJ and he got on my
case cause he thinks I ought to be in charge of something or another! No way.
I like following, don't you?
Follow
the leader. Jack be nibble. Jack better be quick.
Bar
Net stools in fish net stockings.
"A
Clean, Well Lit Place" by Hemingway.
(That is not the exact title but close enough.) Everyone read it on the network? Now on a true network, each of us could open
up our knowledge base for access by any other noodle. But the times I have tried this, it was very intimidating. Good thing we don't have ESP or IQ for that
matter.
Lost
in the woods. Zulu's don't have a way
of saying "lost in the woods" cause they don't get lost in the woods.
Always
on track, always with a direction, are we?
Global
memory variables are language elements, shared by all.
Direction
like an arrow in time and space.
GE...Progress is our Most Important Product. Progress, yeah that is what I want and right, fucking now. None of this take years shit to achieve. Impatient, ain't we? Can I access your network servers from here, now? Can I expand the network in my head and link you all and touch each as you lay dreaming and you will awake and not remember me being there but yet, a sense will make you wonder?
WONDER. Sure like to wonder. Wander too.
James
Joyce mind falls and over the edge and the mixing and thrashing as it cascades
down onto the rocks below and then out into the quiet stream, flowing with a
direction.
We
all got directions, don't we? Marching
orders? Instructions? Shit, I must have come in a returned box,
cause I didn't get any and Uncle Dean having the fellow cadet complaining about
the education process and him not knowing, at his age, that it is a do it
yourself job!
Masturbation. Circles and spheres.
20
Billion galaxies? Billion? And life will not come in a tin can to our
door looking for gas money to the next stop.
It will come across space and time into our dreams where we can accept.
Can
anyone feel the presences of alien life?
Actually, lots of creatures right here seem pretty alien to me, like
cats. E, you have a cat don't you? Murray and Gretchen do.
The
old crow sits in his perch and looks down as James goes over the falls and the
old crow just looks away. "Told
you so", he says.
1:58am
says one clock and the arm says 1:50.
Close enough.
(Insert guitar here...pretty little piece about "It might be a dump, but I call it home.")
Pornographic
country music. Such a talent I got to
let it go to waste. Ain't everything
and everyone of value in a great society?
Questions. Yes, questions. Still haven't ventured into Blade Runner, the movie, have you? I wouldn't if I were you.
Over
the falls. Every let your mind trickle
down through images, thoughts, free form, like Joyce?
Questions? E is an Librarian. The keeper of the stuff. The keeper of the RIGHT stuff. Here in Fairfax county, they are arguing
whether gay materials should be in the public library or not?
Free
speech. Free spinach. PoPEye.
Strong to the finish....
And
not really doing service to any one on the network. Sorry.
How
to end it? "End?" That would
be a good question. End implies
beginning, package, encapsulation. An
egg. Dali's man coming out of the crack
in the cosmic egg and Priscilla just about out of egg production, we think, and
not all that sorry about it.
Shit...sorry
folks for the intrusion today but you have helped me and I finally got that
silly network linkage idea out of me head and sent to you all.
Speeches. I was never good at speeches as you will
attest E.
Monologues. Mono logs, a reference to jungle drums? Mono logs?
So,
lets bring the bar stool network down and let the nodes and noodles rest. Off line, one at a time, you go.
E. sorry about this mess, but it just had to be and please do not read anything into this as to the state of my mental condition. I am fine or as fine as I always was or will be which isn't saying much at that, is it?
Uncle
Dean. I need to get you to a DEAD
show. So much happening there, it is a
treat. Talk with you soon.
Chuck. Sorry I have not returned your call but the
timing has not been right. Maybe
tomorrow. I hope everything go settled
on the house.
Zooie.
I missed you tonight and thought of you back at school. All I can do for you is give you a big smile
and see you at Thanksgiving.
Marina. How about lunch soon or at least a call to
see how you are? I was looking at an
old Mercedes 230SL in your area recently and still may buy it to engine repair. Wonder if you moved to Greece?
I
wonder if I should pass around addresses?
Every node has an address on the network? Maybe next time and maybe I should ask, if E wants to be on the
network with Uncle Dean and so on?
Uncle
Tim. Glad work and school is going ok
for you. Sorry you did not get to go
down the river with us this August.
Maybe next year cause I know you would love it.
Bill,
Tony, Ray, Jessie, Randy, Marilyn, Gretchen, Murray, Molly, the girl in the
green stretch pants.....good night and sweet dreams.
Ron.......Shut the Fuck up.