“The Apologies to Andy Rooney”

By Ron Stultz

29 August 2005

Andy is so much better at this than I am.  I apologize Andy.

So, what is the story with men wearing this big chain attached to their belt or a pant’s loops on which there is this big mass of house, car, and padlock, whatever, keys?  I don’t get it.  Is it some sort of status symbol, which says to the world, I own a lot of stuff, and have the keys to prove it?  Or is it just a key collection like a young girl’s charm bracelet or some form of bling bling like those rap music stars wear around their neck?  I mean if the guy and I don’t think I have ever seen a woman wearing this chain and key combination, really owns all the stuff which he has keys for, how in the world does he sort through the 20, 30 or 40 keys to actually find the right one to unlock whatever he is trying to get into?

As for me, I think I own a lot of stuff but on my key ring; there is a car key and a house key and that is it.  Of course I do not own a pickup truck with one of those lockable storage compartments on the back, but it I did, that would still only make 3 keys and hardly worth the chain around the belt.

Now I am aware that some folks have this natural talent for losing or otherwise misplacing their keys and so I can see where special keys chained to you, so you could not loose them, might make sense.  But 20 keys, 30 keys? 

Oh, a minor thing in the grand scheme of things for sure but sure is a curiosity to me. So, if anyone is reading out there in reader land and can tell me the reason for the chain and keys, I would be glad to live and learn.