“I Have This Neighbor…..”
By Ron Stultz
I have this neighbor who
always knows what is going on in the neighborhood. Perhaps every neighborhood
has one of these, I don’t know, but I have decided that this guy has a WWII
submarine periscope in his basement. Yep, gets himself a cup of
joe each morning and heads down to
his conning tower, pushes some well hidden button and down from the ceiling
comes this periscope. Can see him there, in the room with the furnace, washer,
dryer and all the other stuff he has collected and him snapping down those
handles on the periscope and placing his eyes up to the rubber goggles and
slowly scanning the neighborhood. Oh, yes, the fellow across the street is
piling his leaves too high again and he has done nothing to remove that eyesore
of a travel trailer he owns and parks in his driveway to block his view on
purpose. Fellow down the street has his car trunk open and a battery charger
set up on it. Better get down there and tell him how to do it. Yard next door
has too many leaves down. Need to get out the tractor and get them up. Damn
neighborhood going down hill fast.
And so around and around he
spins his periscope, checking out the situation and making his plans. Sure it
is the first thing he does each morning but also sure he does it several times
a day to make sure he has not missed any convoys he can prey on with word or
action torpedoes.
No idea where he got his
periscope from and never see it sticking out of his roof but it has to be
there. Just no way he could know all he does without one and his must be
special cause he can somehow see into houses and people’s hearts and
intentions. Knows all the neighbors hate him and does not have a clue why. Lady
up the street threw her husband of 30 years out when she found out he was
having an affair with his old high school sweetheart. 2 doors down, people
there are just plain odd. Never speak and never care for it when he comes over
to tell them the right way to plant such-and-such. Snow too deep in a
neighbor’s driveway? Out he goes with is snow blower, no questions asked. Do
they want it opened or have plans already? Does not matter, as he is the watch
dog for the appearance of the street and can not have all that snow just laying
there.
Now I have never personally seen his in-house periscope and I have been in his basement but I know it has to be there. Kind'a wish I had me one of those, just for fun. Wonder what he is up to again?